Monday, April 15, 2013

a pledge- no new projects

i have 12 weeks til this baby comes.  It may be an ENFJ thing, but I get inspired to start a project, and somewhere get distracted and set the project aside.  I love it when things are finished, but sometimes going the last mile is slow in happening.  So, I am committing here in the public arena- NO NEW PROJECTS!  I have so much to finish, there will not be enough time before baby comes, but I can hope. 

Here are projects that I have started and not finished . . . yet:

timeline notebook with boys
medical bills binder
file system for next year homeschooling
close out accounts from homeschool group
begin accounts for next year homeschool group
knitted washcloth
knitted tshirt bath rug
knitted baby poncho
maternity shirt
research paper
superhero puppets

 This is just what I remember off the top of my head.  There are more, I am sure that i have forgotten.  I will add them as a remember and cross off the completed ones.  

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

God as air

For my agnostic, atheist friends,

We have sat up late together.  Over mugs of hot steaming tea or chilled glasses of wine. On a front porch in the Romanian summer heat.  On cushy couches while winter played outside.

You say you don't know.  You just can't believe.  You don't see how God makes sense.

I say, that's alright.   You don't have to believe for God to be.  Your yes does not create Him.  He exists with or without you.

As this conversation has spiraled and turned around on itself and come out all in knots, you have been breathing.  That air you breathe is all around you and in you and through you and you don't ever have to choose to let it in.  When you aren't thinking about it or acknowledging it, it still feeds you and keeps you and gives you life.

You don't see air.  You don't contemplate its existence.  Until you are kept from it.  Until you can't have enough of it. Until it is contaminated.  Until its strength does something you didn't expect. 

But it doesn't depend on you.  It is there for you, but not because of you.

Just breathe. 

Friday, March 1, 2013

A reason to write again- my daughter

Yesterday we saw you and for the first time knew you are a girl.

Light and dark, shapes and lines,
 bits of you came to the screen. 

Gasps, shaking heads, silly grins
 and two proud brothers,

who knew the whole time.

New adventure awaits us:

pinks and purples

giggles and squeals

late night talks

early morning feedings.

I am here for you, girl-child.

I am here to shine a light on the path I have taken
leading me to be a woman.

You will have to walk your path,
 finding strength, purpose and dignity along the way.

I promise to pour into you all the love I can, to fill you up with hope and faith.

To walk with you in laughter, tears and silence.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

slimmer, faster- the confusion between us and our machines

I just saw a headline- new Iphone- thinner, faster.

It is disturbing that our society values the same characteristics for our machines as we do for ourselves.  We want to be slim, sleek, and quick.  We run, we diet, and if that fails, we wear spanx.

Is that why we disregard both the unborn and the very old?  They do not fit in with our accepted adjectives.

We talk about ourselves being connected, plugged in, wired for certain things. 

What happened to the things Jesus compared us to- lilies, birds, sheep?  Simple things with profound mystery to them.

Instead of being connected to everyone, anytime, anywhere, can we just sit in the quiet and be still with the One who knew us from before the creation of time?

Can we?

I am not thin, I am not fast.

I can sit. I can pray.  I can listen to the God who made me and will be here when all the shiny trinkets are gone.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

a moral dilemma- what would you have done?

This happened to me last week, and I am not sure how I should have handled it.

I am pumping gas and a truck pulls up on the other side of the gas pump I am using.  The woman is driving, and the man gets out to pump the gas.  The woman's window is rolled down and she lights up a cigarette and smokes it there, 3 feet from the gas pump, dumping ashes out the window.  I am on the other side of the pump from her, probably 5 or 6 feet away.  My kids are in the car and I am standing there pumping gas, smelling the gas fumes, watching her smoke and reading the NO SMOKING signs posted everywhere.

I don't want to tell anyone what they should do, but I also don't want me and my kids to get blown up.  Where is the line between respect of others privacy and self-preservation?

What would you have done?  

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

a momentous giving

Tomorrow my husband and I will be married for 15 years.  I can't even begin to describe the twists and turns our life has taken in those years.  But through all the various settings our life has taken place in, we have had this center, this unmoving place of safety and trust.  It is only in recent years as we have seen marriages crumble around us that we have truly appreciated the holy gift that this relationship is.  

We took a trip a few weeks ago to celebrate our anniversary and it is good we did as tomorrow will be spent in the hospital with our son getting treatment for another infection.  Not the most romantic place for an anniversary, but not totally inappropriate.  For our marriage is not just a gift of security and steadfast love for the two of us, but also for those around us touched by our lives and our relationship. 

But in the craziness of family life, the monotony of housework, the stress of work- we can take a moment, breathe deep and look at each other in wonder of the gift we have been given.  The gift of this marriage.

Sometimes, hidden from me in daily custom and in ritual
I live by you unaware, as if by the beating of my heart.
Suddenly you flare again in my sight
A wild rose at the edge of the thicket where yesterday there was only
And I am blessed and choose again,
That which I chose before.
-Wendell Berry, The Wild Rose

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Good excuses

I have been gone for a while from this place.  There just wasn't room in my mind or my day for writing.  But Rebecca asked, so I thought I should at least let you know I am alive.  Hmm, my last post was April 22.  Since then the following has happened:

- My son had surgery
- My husband graduated
- School ended
- We moved to a new house (same town)
- Same son had 2 infections
- 3 days training for my new job
- 1 theater camp
- 1 soccer camp (and our boy was player of the week!)
- vacation church school
- husband has had job interviews (2nd interview on Tuesday- please pray)

So, I have good excuses, right?

Our summer is definitely a season of transition for our family.  We have settled so well in this new house, it makes me realize how many inconveniences the last house had.  This house has room for playing, dreaming and living.

This fall is looking to be busy with new things for all of us.  But I want to come to this space and share as I can the reflections on these days.